I am asked, as a Toronto Wedding Officiant of 22 years, to perform many second marriages. Often these second marriages need sensitive ceremonies that creatively acknowledge the importance of the children involved in this marriage.
The bride and groom frequently include their children, in traditional and formal ways. For example, having one of their children serve as ring bearer or a flower girl is always intended and guaranteed to make that child feel important and very much part of the wedding day.
Over the years I have created a memorable and meaningful ritual experience for my couples. I tailor their ceremony to reflect their children’s personalities, creating a genuine family dynamic that includes the thoughts and feelings of everyone involved.
This effective addition of a candle lighting ritual in the family wedding day is the symbolic lighting of three or more candles. As each family love story is so different, I create a sensitive passage suitable to the age of each child, and their individual feelings about the creation of this new family in their life. Often, I really fine-tune the customization of all the unity passages that have the potential to “speak” of the feelings of all family members involved. One of the advantages of this ritual for the children is that it eliminates the possibility of the child having to do a reading or speak in the service. In my years of experience, I feel this asks too much of many children, especially the shy ones, who may find this pressured wedding reading far too stressful on such a significant day.
Parents and step-parents have been thrilled to discover that this customized unity family ritual can be very memorable and includes the children, young teens or young adults in a way that is dignified, low-stress and certainly not overly sentimental. I have no intention of torturing teenage boys who may publicly wince at my sweet words. Besides, I’ve never met a kid who doesn’t love playing with fire! Following is a customized example of an excerpt for the unity candle ceremony that I wrote and performed for Wayne and Sandra and their sons, Sam and Spencer.
“We are so glad that both of your sons, Sam and Spencer are here today. May they feel blessed and share in your happiness and your wedding day celebration! Each of your sons has their own unique personality that they bring to this expanded family. Both young men are acknowledged as distinct individuals and also as valuable contributors to the well-being of this larger family circle. Wayne and Sandra, your marriage will benefit from the culmination of each of your very personal past experiences as individuals. And, in the last few years, as a loving couple together. As you light your own unity candle, it is symbolic of the deep bond that you create today, as husband and wife. You will take your light from your sons, Sam and Spencer’s candles, and further symbolize the bonded family you have all become today, as you move forward, into your future.”
Lighting of Unity Candle at McLean House Toronto wedding
And here is a very beautiful photo of the stunning bride, Sandra, in one of the most unusual and elegant photo locations offered by the heritage property, McLean House at Sunnybrook Estates. I have seen many brides in my day and this photo of Sandra, says it all.
McLean House has many gorgeous spots for wedding photography.
Photos courtesy of Ron Wood of Heartline Pictures Toronto Wedding Photography.