On this day of all days, be your authentic self. It’s very important that your vows are honestly who you are, and express your true personalities.
How to even start?
My first suggestion is always to review samples of other vows. Collect a few that you like -no, not twenty- that will be your beginning point. Narrow down your samples to your shared core values and your favourites. Almost everyone can agree that a blank computer screen is too intimidating unless you’re a professional writer.
These links are below have vow options that can be a great start for you.
Make compromises between your personality styles as best as you can.
If the tone of your vows isn’t ‘poetry 101’, then make it more your everyday vocabulary. Cut and paste, highlight, borrow, rewrite, tweak, and delete as needed!
As a wedding Officiant, I get asked all the time, if the vows have to be the same? The answer is simple; not necessarily. You can plan vows together or it can be a delightful surprise. It’s fine to have two different vows. Another option? What about a common beginning and then add your personal touches?
Writing
Be sure to write them ahead; a few weeks, or a month before your service. This is too important to try and create something special a few days before your wedding. You will have a lot going on in that week and you will not want these meaningful words to be rushed.
Discuss together, the style you want your vows to be. Will they be serious, spiritual, silly, sentimental? How about romantic and elegant or quirky and unique? Your vow is truly the heart of your whole ceremony.
Inspiration can be found everywhere. Some examples are online research, poetry quotes, a loved joke from a your favourite comedian or lyrics from a retro song. What about a romantic ballad, a scene from a favourite romantic comedy film, or a TV show? Or, ask your parents what their wedding vows were?
Clear your vows with your Officiant. There are two main ways that you can recite your vows to your partner during your wedding. One is to read off small cue cards, while the other is to “repeat after me” with your wedding Officiant giving you the words, line by line. This is far easier and less stressful and will also greatly reduce your performance anxiety.
One thing I recommend is to not do this from memory. Even if you are a professional actor -which most of us are not- it will be too easy for your memory to slip away in the midst of all that is happening. You will be nervous.
Practice your vows.
It is absolutely necessary to practice, out loud, your finished or draft vow to each other. Do you both like the results, or do you need to change a word or two? Is it too long, too short?
Remember that the most important opinion, is your own. This is your true spiritual marriage contract.
This emotional moment of the wedding day is really about you both. It’s okay to include an inside-joke hidden in your vows; it’s fine that your guests may not understand it.
Adding some humour can help save you from tears and running mascara; enjoy a little laugh instead.
Take your time. Make lots of changes, these vows do not have to be long to be beautiful.— Short and sweet, may be perfect for you!
Most of all, let the words inspire and touch your hearts.